Foolish human! You think your whimsical mechanical construct will stop ME, the king of raccoon thieves?
How do you expect to cage me when your feline guards cower at my very presence?!?!
Soon I will obtain the knowledge to use your “door knobs” then I will turn your den into my own. I can hardly wait to see what “trap” you have set for me to laugh at. HAHAHAHA
Ben, I think it’s time to accept that you now have a wild pet racoon.
Eventaully, as per ITS Plan, the raccoon will be captured. At which point, you will have to deal with its progressing scheme. You have already allowed it to learn about computer loopholes, confirm the lifespan of batteries, and have given it pratical experience at evading human traps. If I were you, I would be thinking about how to deal with an army of trained raccoon spies with advanced hacking skills. Notice they are going after a Symantec employee, coincidence! What about the fact that you are a maker, yet another coincidence? What about the fact that it has chosen a time when the escalation would be hindered by a major project!!! The conclusion is clear to see. You are being used to train super raccoons, or scoons, for a raid on NORAD!!! The cryptic message on the bulldiuno is proof of the goals! I fear the world will end with nuke wielding raccoons as our overlords!
You might say that I am biased in favor of the coon agenda. That was true…. WAS… But now I see that humanity must rally! I will be the first to pledge myself for the cause. I would gladly give my life twice if I could save the world. Raccoons I say this to you in a roar wisest not ignored “TRASHCANS MUST BE CLEANED AFTER RUMMAGING”. A species not in compliance with the species act of world minimum cleanliness will NEVER rule me!
Friends to non-violent arms!
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