The chaos of an unregulated Middle Earth means the distribution of wealth and services is wildly unequal. Did you know that the elves control over 99% of Rivendell? Also, consider the hundreds of miles of abandoned real estate in Moria. Centralized control means no more bubbles to pop, the same cradle to grave health care enjoyed by millions of hard-working middle-class Orc soldiers, an end to the inequities of Human Privilege, and Elves will finally pay their fair share and be forced to open up access to the strategic Mithril deposits beneath the submerged ruins of Númenor.

Remember, too, the safety benefits that come with a strong surveillance infrastructure of the sort only Sauron can provide. No man may harm another (or a fellow Hobbit or Orc) with impunity when the Eye of Safety is upon him. A small reduction in privacy in exchange is quite reasonable, you’ll agree.

Support our dark lord! A second-breakfast in every Hobbitses pot, safe streets from Aldburg to Waymoot, a well regulated Orc milita to keep the peace, and no more lawless Wizards roaming the lands and terrorizing everyone with their propaganda.

One government to rule us all and in Middle Earth, bind us.