I want to talk about something terrible that people think you should like but are wrong. Gin is distilled bitterness at a world that doesn’t appreciate your taste in gin. It is liquid pretension filtered through decades of old men trying to ‘outclass’ each other with their gin-ness.

Nobody likes gin, but some affect an appreciation of its ‘complimentary botanical blend’ because grandpa drank it and oh god grandpa why didn’t you take me fishing again when I was older and would have appreciated it more but I made a fuss that one time and you never asked again and ginnnnnnnnnnn.