FUCK YEAH, the news says the recession’s over!  Hot damn!  I haven’t checked my 401K yet, but I assume this means that it’s tripled in value back to where it was a couple years ago!  Boy oh boy, I can’t wait to get my next paycheck with it’s big chunk of money that retroactively brings my salary up to where it should be, and I sure am looking forward to having my dollar go a lot further later today when I go buy stuff!

Phew, I thought for sure that my upcoming mortgage payment was going to be late, but it looks like everything’s going to be fixed!

I’ve got friends who don’t read the news because they say it’s prone to making exaggerated claims that don’t affect my day to day life, but they’re saying the recession’s over, so woo-hoo!  I can finally pay off some of that crippling debt!

You know, I don’t have the check right now, but I bet I can probably just take a print-out of the news to the store with me, they should just extend credit based on this fantastic news, right?

Right?!